'I have an idea,' she said. 'Why don't you connect your iPhone to a bird feeder and see what you can film?'
‘The thing always in your hand!’
I decided not to bite. 'How?'
'I don't know - be inventive! Use a rubber band.'
It was such a simple idea that I was momentarily lost for words. It couldn't be that simple, could it? Surely not. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew I'd been hit on the back of the head with an elastic band. I'd heard that unmistakable 'twang' - that unforgettable noise indoctrinated from school days and tomfoolery in the playground (which I imagine is probably 'illegal' today along with conkers and walking above 5mph).
Once I'd taken my revenge with a wet dishcloth, I set about attaching my iPhone to the bird feeder. The birds took an instant dislike to me stopping them feeding for a few moments. Such impatience, I thought to myself - but that's what happens when you're feeding Haith's sunflower hearts (the birds know when they're onto a good thing).
My first attempt was comic cuts - but I guess it was my own fault for securing the iPhone initially to the base of the bird feeder. Forgive me, but I have never seen so many bird bums in my life! If there's a student out there writing a thesis on bird bums - let me know, I have just the recording for you.
My wife appeared from the kitchen window (I knew what was coming). 'Call me old fashioned’ she said ‘but don't you think it would be nicer to be able to see the birds faces as they feed?' I'm too much of a gentleman to share what I said at this point, but suffice to say my wife closed the window pretty fast.
Once again, however, she was correct and all my best work originates from the present Mrs King.
Anyway, enough talk as this is the video the iPhone was invented for when Steve Jobs (Apple) gave that famous talk on stage wearing that Beatles black polo jumper, he was thinking about me securing my iPhone to a bird feeder using a rubber band courtesy, of the Post Office. He didn't know that at the time, of course, but I hope he'll watch this from up on high and feel his work was worth it.